My Grief

My Grief

To have never loved

Is to have never lived 

To never really know you

To be made vulnerable by your presence

For all having ever lived and loved

You've always been part of my existence

That unseen guest stalking me

Walks with me, talks with me, breathe the air I breathe

You are never far away, though I never felt you this way

You were never meant to accompany your friend 

Whose touched I feel every moment from my conception 

Daily I see his imprint on me as I look at my mortality staring back at me

It was never meant to be, for me, for us to be touched, caressed, snatched away by you

To feel the changes and know while there goes another 

I'm next to be taken away by your unseen hands too

To live and love is to invite you in

You become part of me, can't break free

When I feel your touch, by the loss of those I love much

I know this was never meant to be

In my tears that shower as rain

My heart that breaks apart by this pain

It's not meant to be lived daily again and again

I'm consumed by you, not sure what I'll do

Triggered by a loss all because I care to live, to love

For to live I had to love, to live now I have you

That which I love is taken, feels so final

That which I love is now no more

To live, to hold, to hug, to kiss, to adore 

In my quiet moments when its stillness grabs hold of me

My  mortality stares at me, saying I'll join those I loved, lived, cared for

You remind me that I'm living what every one who've ever loved lived

If lived long enough will know what to truly love will do

What else is there for me to do, can I escape you? 

I'll just embrace you 

How can I escape you when that moment I knew

While there is joy in this life there's much pain too

This too, will one day be exchanged by a joyous refrain

This pain we've suffered will consummate in joy when we see those we've loved, again.